Dearest Anthony Villalobos,

Since you seem to favor this forum for writing personal messages, I will just follow suit.

I stand by what I have said. I love you. At this moment, I am trying very hard not to hate you, but deep down beneath it all, I do have a spot in my heart for you, and always will.

That having been said, I thought, for a while, that I was actively severing my ties to you, that I had drawn the line and therefore were no longer friends because of that. I was wrong. It was you. You severed our ties long before I did. You refuse our friendship. You refused my friendship. I have even been de-friended from your journal for reasons unbeknownst to me. I have been asked too long to cover and lie for you. For a while there, I thought it was worth it. I thought you would take care of things, whatever that meant. You have asked me to be quiet, to play nice, to be understanding. I have.

What I don’t understand now, is how you can defend a position in which you are always covering your back, always making up a story. This is now. I can’t even imagine later. You have lied left and right. You kept asking me to believe you. That what you tell me is the truth.

That is the same thing you tell her.

I want to believe you, but you show me nothing to believe. For the past few months, you have taken this friendship, used and abused, but given nothing in return. I don’t know if it is how you’ve been lately, thinking that you don’t have anything to give. All I really wanted was your honesty and respect. Giving me that would be more than what you have given recently. It kills me that with the stressful life you lead, you continue to make it worse, keep contriving ways in which your life just slowly comes apart.

I hope you feel like you won, because I sure know that she must be celebrating right now. If she wanted to have you all to herself, she has succeeded. You have severed ties with all your friends. Memo told me that on the drive back home from the dinner, you told him that you had already purchased a ticket to NZ. That’s great. I wish you could have told me that as well.

You can put up the front and call me a liar at this point. I don’t care what you write in response to this entry (if you even do that), whatever you have to say to make her happy. You know how you really feel. You know what goes on inside your head. You know the truth, and nothing can change that. In the end, you are the only one that has to live with it.

By the way, that wasn’t Alex’s outing, that was mine. Letty, Memo, and my birthday. Remember? And about earning friendship: that shouldn’t be insulting. What is insulting is that you have taken for granted something that never should be: people – friends. With friends, you are always earning their friendship. Being there, throwing a smile, calling, just knowing that you are there – that is earning it. I mean, your whole entry. I just don’t get it. Calling her names. Childish. I have seen worse. Actually, if I click on a certain profile, I can still see more childish things. We never were the problems to begin with. You just made us into them.

Love always,
Anitza Magallon